Out of Sorts

Lately I’ve been feeling a bit out of sorts.  Discombobulated.  More stressed than usual.  I just don’t know why this is happening.  Nothing has changed drastically, I still have a wonderful family with a crazy schedule, yet I’m not enjoying everything the way I usually do.

Maybe it is because we have one extra parent club, and that just sent me over the edge.  Maybe I’m worried about how to cover all the upcoming expenses.  Maybe I don’t eat enough chocolate.  No, I’m pretty sure I eat way too much chocolate.  Whatever the reason I am ready for it to stop.

Driving into work today I realized my supervisor stressed me out.  A few weeks ago my team was at lunch.  I am the only person who drives, everyone else takes the bus.  I really like my alone time in the car listening to music because it helps me transition.  The day we were at lunch I had been late due to freeway accidents, and so had one of my co-workers.  My supervisor actually said that if someone rides the bus and they are late it isn’t their fault because they have no control over driving the bus, but if you drive yourself you just need to leave earlier and plan better.  Because I have control over traffic, right?  This morning traffic was awful and I started to grip the steering wheel more and check the time more, which is not usual for me.  I realized right then that her comment really made my drive in a lot more stressful.

I leave at the same time every day, and today I actually left early.  If I am late because traffic is bad I stay later.  I don’t make a habit of coming in late and trying to leave early.  Yet now, even though it took me a while to realize it, I am suddenly hyper-aware of traffic, accidents, what time I leave and what time I make it in the door at work.  I really like my job, so this new piece of stress just makes me see my supervisor in a bad light.

That isn’t the only cause of course, but at least I identified something new.  I’m pretty sure the situation with my Mom is a major cause, but one I’m not yet willing to work with.  I can beat myself up enough, Thank You.  The girls, being teenagers, can of course be a part of my wanting to crawl in bed and hide under the covers, but they haven’t been too bad lately.  I hope I didn’t just jinx myself.

I know that everyone goes through cycles, and I am probably just in a down cycle as far as mood.  I still find many happy moments in my days, and I laugh a lot.  So I can’t be doing too bad.  I just feel that I lost some of my Pollyanna, and I’d like to have her back.

December is Over

Well, I am fairly recovered from December.  Not that it was a bad month, but with Little One sick and passing it on to me, well, the last part was a bit rougher than I expected.  Nothing like getting violently ill at work!

My place of work closes from December 24th through January 1st, and I love getting time off when the girls are off too.  Husband also took time off.  But, as Husband said Monday, it was really time for me to get back into my routine.  I am absolutely a creature of habit, and I thrive on a predictable schedule.  There was no schedule at all with having no work and school going on.  I even lost track of if it was the 27th or 28th at one point.

We stayed up until the early morning and slept until the late morning.  I ate way too much chocolate (Oldest One bought me 3 boxes of chocolate covered cherries, and once the box is open they HAVE to be eaten before they go bad), watched way too much TV, and very much enjoyed most of my time off.  We caught up on several TV shows (love the Dish Hopper!) and I got to wear flannel pants around the house.

The girls were very happy with what they got, even though it was a scaled down gift season.  I had put together picture frames for the girls, some with pictures of friends, and some were family.  They loved these gifts, and Oldest One said she is taking hers to the dorm.  Husband thought they wouldn’t like framed pictures, but I think they thought those were some of the best gifts.  I always make them calendars; I spend a lot of time creating borders for each month, the calendar has birthdays, anniversaries and holidays, and then each border has a picture I print out and permanent tape on of the girls with friends and family.  I told Oldest One I wouldn’t be upset if this is the last year she wants one, and she looked at me like I was crazy and said of course she wants them, she is taking her calendar to college.  Absolutely makes all the time spent on making these worth it.

Oldest One and I also spent time doing all the “going to college” stuff the university needs done.  That takes quite a while.  Housing was the hard part.  Not because she didn’t have a dorm picked out, but because best friend wasn’t sure if that was the dorm she wants, but she isn’t even touring the campus until the end of January.  5 or 6 dorms are already full.  After several minutes of futile arguing with Oldest One I finally told her I was concerned about her, not her friend (although I really like her friend) and we needed to pick the dorm and make sure she was taken care of.  So she is reserved for the dorm she likes near all the places she needs to be.  This was the hardest part of my work break.

I saw my best friend from high school while she was in town, and couldn’t believe how big her girls are.  I saw one of my good friends and her boyfriend, and I swear her son gains 2 inches between every visit.  It was such a nice time, until I got completely out of sorts for no reason, and my family started in on how I was off schedule.  I’m pretty sure they are right.  But as of next week we are on the roller coaster again, and have 5 months packed with cheering basketball and cheer competitions, trying to do college scholarships, getting ready for graduation…wait, I don’t think I’m ready to end my mini vacation yet!