2nd Time is the Charm!

I’ve been gone for a while again, but it was for a better reason.  The doctors finally figured out the issue, I had surgery, and I’m back to work!  All of my extreme leg pain that caused me to barely walk, not be able to sit, and have problems standing was caused by my left ovary.  Which I no longer have.  It’s a very rare condition (of course!), which is why it took so long to be diagnosed.  And, I have a lot of back issues, so with the way the pain was, it seemed to be coming from my back.

I just want to jump back into life, and all of its activities.  I can’t, because I spent so many months barely able to move, but I feel like I missed so much that I want to make up for lost time right now.  So I’m doing as much as I can each day, and then falling into the recliner to recover.  It’s so wonderful to wear pants again, and to know I can just get in the car and go to the store if I need something, and that I’m not dependent on Husband to make it happen.

My family was amazing, and I couldn’t have made it through all of this without them.  I truly do have the best and most amazing Husband in the world.  It fell to him to do everything, including clothes shopping with Oldest One for sorority rush clothes, and going to the dance store with Little One for school dance class items.  He did it without complaint.  He drove, cleaned, cooked, shopped, and went to doctor’s appointments, procedures, and surgeries.  I know there is a lot more he did, but you get the idea.  He was there to make me smile, cheer me up, make sure I ate, hold my hand, and just be the most incredible all round best friend and Husband anybody could ask for.  I am truly blessed being married to him.

The girls were great too.  They got used to me just lying there, but they did a lot of getting me things, watching TV with me, talking to me, and helping me.  Oldest One did household shopping before she left for college, and she called me several times a week to chat and see how I was.  Little One would make sure I was comfortable, and keep me company, and was very happy to tell me about her day in detail.  My girls both cheered me up and kept me going through all of this.  I love them so very much!

I can’t say I’ll write every day, or even every week, but I’ll make an effort.  Getting back into the swing of things, and starting to run around again, as well as working full-time is going to keep me busy and exhausted for a while.  But writing and reading all of the wonderful blogs I follow truly helped me to keep going, so I don’t want to feel cut off from all of it.  And once I find my groove again, I’m sure it will include time to write, post, and read.

So for now, I hope everyone is enjoying the New Year, and that life is treating you well!

So Painful!

Yesterday I was lucky enough to drive to Big Name Clinic for a test. This test is important, because it will determine which specialist I see next, and be another step closer to getting off the recliner and getting my life back.

Husband drove me there, both because I just can’t really drive, and because I knew this test would be painful, so it was good to have him with me. We got there in plenty of time, signed in, and sat down in the very crowded waiting area to wait for my name to be called.  They don’t call just first names, they use a person’s first and last name, so there won’t be confusion over which Bob is being called.  Or so they hope.

So they call Mrs. Broad, and Husband and I stand up and go with the nice lady with the clipboard. This couple, an older (older than me at least) couple stood up and started walking at the same time, but another name had been called by another person, so it was all good.  Except this couple seemed determined to trip me and my cane up, and were crowding Husband and me as we tried to walk and follow our escort.  We got to a break in the hallway, and suddenly Husband and I are standing with our escort, and with this other couple.  The other woman looks at us and asks if we are with the escort.  Um, yes, they called my name.  She said, well, they called out Broad, so she just got up and went.  Since she wasn’t Mrs. Broad, but Other Broad, she had to go back out in the waiting area.  People, please listen!

The test I was having was an EMG, in which electricity is shot through my nerves in 2 different ways. I know, what fun!  The first part was using electrodes stuck to various areas on my legs.  The RN put the electrodes in place, and held them down, and the Tech manned the computer.  The first pulse is small, than bigger, Bigger BIGger, BIGGEST.  It was great.  And painful.  I got a break in between each series as they measured the distance between electrodes, and then moved them to a different place on my leg.  They finished, but came back because the Dr. wanted more done, and on both legs, and started it up again.  I asked if they had people scream or cry, and they said yes, some people couldn’t finish the test.  I held tight to the table and breathed, but I didn’t Scream!  Score for me!

The second part was done by the Dr., and he stuck small needles into the nerves, and then sent electricity through them. He was listening to my nerves talk to each other, but to me it sounded like static.  Was this part painful? Yes, much worse than the first part.  After the first zap Husband jumped up and gave me his hand.  He actually had both his hands wrapped around my hand as I squeezed his hand hard, and concentrated on breathing.  The Dr. and Husband both told me I did great.  I googled about this after the test, and came up with headings about people screaming through all of this.  I didn’t scream, and I didn’t pass out, so all in all I was pretty proud of myself

The one thing I hadn’t expected was how I would feel afterwards. I’ve had an EMG done on my arm, and I just went about my day.  Yesterday though, I was sick.  I could barely walk to the car, and didn’t want to talk on the drive home.  I just wanted to get into bed.  Oldest One called when we were almost home, and I chatted for a few minutes then gave the phone to Husband, and let him talk for a while, and he told me what was happening in her life.  I felt awful all night, like I had the flu.  I couldn’t find anyone else when I googled who felt sick, so I have no idea why that part happened.

I find out the results tomorrow, so today I’m going to relax in the recliner and not think about it, or at least try not to. I still don’t feel myself, so I think reading and watching TV are going to be my big goals.  And petting White Fluffy Dog, because that makes both of us happy.

Being Alone

As a parent you don’t get much alone time. You get the kids off to school, you go to work, you get the kids from school, you get them to activities, you get them home and to bed.  And you try to squeeze in spouse time and bills or housework.  At least that is how it could be for me.  So I learned to enjoy the drive to and from work.

I work 15 miles from where I live. In freeway time that is a 45 minute drive from September through March, and over an hour if there is an accident.  The rest of the year it’s about 30 minutes.  In the morning I turn on my favorite radio station and listen to the morning team, and the music they play.  On the way home I plug in my iPod, or listen to the CD Oldest One made me for a birthday gift.  It’s luxurious time alone, where no one needs me or wants me, and where I can transition from home to work, or from work to home.  I really enjoy my drive time, which is one of the reasons I don’t carpool or take the bus.  I’m selfish, and I won’t give up my time alone in the car.  Another plus is I don’t get upset with traffic delays, because I’m on me time.

As I’ve been at home since June I haven’t had the drive time. But something weird has happened; instead of enjoying the quiet of the house when I’m alone, and the me time, I now dislike being alone.  Too much time with just myself makes me sad, and a bit depressed.  I used to enjoy the brief bits of time alone in the house.  Now I just cringe.  I’m sure it has to do with medication (which I loathe taking) and the situation, but knowing that doesn’t help.

Husband had to go into work today. He’ll be gone about 3 hours.  Our work buildings are close to each other, so when I’m at work it’s a treat when he has to go in.  We drive in together in the morning, and drive home together in the evening.  He’s the one person I’ll give up my me time for.  Today he’ll have to pay to park (I drop him off and then park in my work space), and I’ll be alone in the house.  I have a book series I’m reading (yes, it was so good I allowed myself to buy book 2!), and of course blogs to read, but I can feel the loneliness setting in as soon as the front door closes.  It’s only a few hours!  Geez, show some backbone Broad!

I don’t like these new feelings, and want them to go away.  I want to enjoy time alone again in the quiet of the house.  I know I’ll get there again, once I am able to leave the house and get life back on track.  But right now, today, it’s not like that.  Maybe I’ll get the dogs riled up, barking and chasing each other.  It’s hard to be lonely when silly dogs are playing.