Ready to be Done

I planned to make this about Little One today, but everything I began swerved off track. Little One got me up this morning to do her cheer hair, which is a high ponytail with a side braid on the right.  The new uniforms are in, so this is the first Friday Varsity cheer gets to wear their uniforms to school, and at the game.  She looks adorable in her uniform!  The skirt was too big, but since they got the uniforms yesterday I pinned it for today (and have extra safety pins in my purse) and then Husband will sew it over the weekend.

I barely made it through doing her hair. I was in so much pain from standing that when I made it back to my bed I was in tears.  I barely slept last night because of the pain.  I could barely shower because it hurt so much to stand that long.  And that is a shower where I don’t shave my legs.

Since the weekend I’ve gotten progressively worse, so I don’t think the last 2 procedures, which were going to fix the issue, worked. Or I’m not understanding how they work.  I told Husband that I am questioning the original diagnosis, and really think it has to do with all my back issues, and not a small nerve trapped in my thigh.  My pain doctor probably thinks the same, since I’m now arranging for surgical consults.

My quality of life really isn’t what I want. I try so hard to be cheerful, and laugh about it, but then a day like today hits and I’m in so much pain I’m not finding much to laugh about or to smile about.  I also hate that I can’t do anything.  I am dependent on Husband to go to the store, and the pharmacy, and to pick up my medical records and scans.  I can’t drive, it hurts being a passenger, and even with a cane walking is difficult.  Yet tonight I’m getting in the car and attending the game to watch Little One cheer.  With lidocaine, ice packs, medication, and a special chair that fully reclines (I don’t sit in the stands, but next to them).  I don’t want to let the important things pass me by if I can help it.

I’ll go to bed tonight and be hopeful that when I wake up tomorrow the pain will be gone, or at least a lot less. Our plans for the weekend all take place in the living room, but since it is football season, and we watch college and NFL, that takes up Saturday and Sunday, so all is good there.  I’ll eat some chocolate, because that makes the world better.  But what will really help, and keep me fighting to get my life back, is Husband and the girls.  They make me smile, make me feel loved, and keep me going.  With them I can overcome anything!