Stupid Idiot Woman

Computer issues have kept me busy for the past 2 days, and unable to use my laptop. Since I’m trapped in the recliner, the laptop is my lifeline for everything.  I’m pretty sure it caught the virus from the pop-up ads that kept appearing when I was reading my favorite cartoon…I was a month behind.  I’ll have to find a new place to read it, since I don’t want to go through all that again.

This morning Husband took me to Wal-Mart. I know, fun capital of the world!  But, since I have a hard time even walking around a store, so I don’t get out of the house much, this really was an event for me.  Especially since I made it through the whole list I made.  It was pretty uneventful until we left.

As we walked out to the car we saw a car waiting on someone leaving to get that parking place, and a car behind them. The person putting groceries into the car that was being waited on was a little old lady, and I could tell as soon as I saw the situation that there was no way this lovely senior citizen was going to be done getting everything out of the cart and into the car before Husband got all of our stuff in the car and we were ready to leave.

This is important because the woman waiting for the spot was waiting in front of our car, so we couldn’t back out. And understand, right now I have to use a cane to walk, so it’s not like we move fast.  I don’t have anything for handicapped parking, because hopefully this isn’t going to last forever.  So, we weren’t parked right up front, but close enough that this woman really wanted the little old lady’s spot.

Sure enough, Husband put the stuff in the car, put the cart into the cart holder, and got into the car while the little old lady was still puttering around. So of course, since she had room, the lady waiting for the spot backed up enough for us to get our car out, right?  Because the car behind her backed up to give her more room to do that.  And because Husband had backed up, showing her we wanted to leave.  Nope, the stupid woman didn’t even acknowledge our car had moved.

Husband finally got out of the car and waved his arms at her to back up, to which she gestured she was waiting for the little old lady to be done, and turned her head. Husband got back into the car.  I so wanted to get out of the car and start waving my cane around in a somewhat threating manner, and I probably had plenty of time, but I didn’t.

Finally the little old lady made it out of the spot, and the stupid idiot woman got out of our way. I know I shouldn’t be amazed at the stupid idiot woman’s lack of courtesy, but I am.  I would never do anything like that, either would Husband, and we hopefully taught Oldest One to never do that.  If I, gimpy with a cane, park farther back in the lot and manage to walk, you can bet I have no patience with someone with no problems other than laziness doing this so she can be closer to the door.

I see a lot of people ignore what I think is common courtesy. When I point it out Husband always reminds me it is because those people are much more important than anyone else (sarcasm here, in case it’s not coming through).  I try hard to be courteous and polite to everyone.  It’s not hard to do, it doesn’t cost anything, and most people appreciate it.  I don’t understand why common courtesy seems to be so difficult.

Since I’m not going to solve that problem right now, I think I’ll just have some chocolate covered raisins (bought during my Wal-Mart outing) and read some good blogs. Because chocolate and good blogs always make my day better!

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So Painful!

Yesterday I was lucky enough to drive to Big Name Clinic for a test. This test is important, because it will determine which specialist I see next, and be another step closer to getting off the recliner and getting my life back.

Husband drove me there, both because I just can’t really drive, and because I knew this test would be painful, so it was good to have him with me. We got there in plenty of time, signed in, and sat down in the very crowded waiting area to wait for my name to be called.  They don’t call just first names, they use a person’s first and last name, so there won’t be confusion over which Bob is being called.  Or so they hope.

So they call Mrs. Broad, and Husband and I stand up and go with the nice lady with the clipboard. This couple, an older (older than me at least) couple stood up and started walking at the same time, but another name had been called by another person, so it was all good.  Except this couple seemed determined to trip me and my cane up, and were crowding Husband and me as we tried to walk and follow our escort.  We got to a break in the hallway, and suddenly Husband and I are standing with our escort, and with this other couple.  The other woman looks at us and asks if we are with the escort.  Um, yes, they called my name.  She said, well, they called out Broad, so she just got up and went.  Since she wasn’t Mrs. Broad, but Other Broad, she had to go back out in the waiting area.  People, please listen!

The test I was having was an EMG, in which electricity is shot through my nerves in 2 different ways. I know, what fun!  The first part was using electrodes stuck to various areas on my legs.  The RN put the electrodes in place, and held them down, and the Tech manned the computer.  The first pulse is small, than bigger, Bigger BIGger, BIGGEST.  It was great.  And painful.  I got a break in between each series as they measured the distance between electrodes, and then moved them to a different place on my leg.  They finished, but came back because the Dr. wanted more done, and on both legs, and started it up again.  I asked if they had people scream or cry, and they said yes, some people couldn’t finish the test.  I held tight to the table and breathed, but I didn’t Scream!  Score for me!

The second part was done by the Dr., and he stuck small needles into the nerves, and then sent electricity through them. He was listening to my nerves talk to each other, but to me it sounded like static.  Was this part painful? Yes, much worse than the first part.  After the first zap Husband jumped up and gave me his hand.  He actually had both his hands wrapped around my hand as I squeezed his hand hard, and concentrated on breathing.  The Dr. and Husband both told me I did great.  I googled about this after the test, and came up with headings about people screaming through all of this.  I didn’t scream, and I didn’t pass out, so all in all I was pretty proud of myself

The one thing I hadn’t expected was how I would feel afterwards. I’ve had an EMG done on my arm, and I just went about my day.  Yesterday though, I was sick.  I could barely walk to the car, and didn’t want to talk on the drive home.  I just wanted to get into bed.  Oldest One called when we were almost home, and I chatted for a few minutes then gave the phone to Husband, and let him talk for a while, and he told me what was happening in her life.  I felt awful all night, like I had the flu.  I couldn’t find anyone else when I googled who felt sick, so I have no idea why that part happened.

I find out the results tomorrow, so today I’m going to relax in the recliner and not think about it, or at least try not to. I still don’t feel myself, so I think reading and watching TV are going to be my big goals.  And petting White Fluffy Dog, because that makes both of us happy.

Being Alone

As a parent you don’t get much alone time. You get the kids off to school, you go to work, you get the kids from school, you get them to activities, you get them home and to bed.  And you try to squeeze in spouse time and bills or housework.  At least that is how it could be for me.  So I learned to enjoy the drive to and from work.

I work 15 miles from where I live. In freeway time that is a 45 minute drive from September through March, and over an hour if there is an accident.  The rest of the year it’s about 30 minutes.  In the morning I turn on my favorite radio station and listen to the morning team, and the music they play.  On the way home I plug in my iPod, or listen to the CD Oldest One made me for a birthday gift.  It’s luxurious time alone, where no one needs me or wants me, and where I can transition from home to work, or from work to home.  I really enjoy my drive time, which is one of the reasons I don’t carpool or take the bus.  I’m selfish, and I won’t give up my time alone in the car.  Another plus is I don’t get upset with traffic delays, because I’m on me time.

As I’ve been at home since June I haven’t had the drive time. But something weird has happened; instead of enjoying the quiet of the house when I’m alone, and the me time, I now dislike being alone.  Too much time with just myself makes me sad, and a bit depressed.  I used to enjoy the brief bits of time alone in the house.  Now I just cringe.  I’m sure it has to do with medication (which I loathe taking) and the situation, but knowing that doesn’t help.

Husband had to go into work today. He’ll be gone about 3 hours.  Our work buildings are close to each other, so when I’m at work it’s a treat when he has to go in.  We drive in together in the morning, and drive home together in the evening.  He’s the one person I’ll give up my me time for.  Today he’ll have to pay to park (I drop him off and then park in my work space), and I’ll be alone in the house.  I have a book series I’m reading (yes, it was so good I allowed myself to buy book 2!), and of course blogs to read, but I can feel the loneliness setting in as soon as the front door closes.  It’s only a few hours!  Geez, show some backbone Broad!

I don’t like these new feelings, and want them to go away.  I want to enjoy time alone again in the quiet of the house.  I know I’ll get there again, once I am able to leave the house and get life back on track.  But right now, today, it’s not like that.  Maybe I’ll get the dogs riled up, barking and chasing each other.  It’s hard to be lonely when silly dogs are playing.

Pet Therapy

Being stuck in the house and sitting in the recliner all day can drive a person crazy. I don’t think I’m quite to that point, but some days are harder than others to not be able to get outside and see people.

Luckily, I’m easy to entertain and I have pets. I’ve mentioned that we have 2 dogs, 2 cats and a bunny.  I don’t do much with Bunny, because she is Little One’s, but I love to watch her when she is out of her cage hopping around the house, thumping, and scaring the other animals trying to make friends.  You just haven’t lived if you haven’t seen a bunny go up or down stairs.

Fat Gray Cat has been depressed with Oldest One at college. Before she left Oldest One spent 2 weeks sleeping in the same t-shirt to leave for Fat Gray Cat to lay on.  And she did, all day, for about the first month.  Oldest One has left before, but not for too long.  When Fat Gray Cat realized she wasn’t coming back I was the recipient of her affections.  She would jump onto my head as soon as I got into the recliner each morning and demand to be pet.  And then when she felt she had been pet enough and wanted to thank me she would rip some skin off with her teeth or claws.  I try to take pictures each day and Snap Chat them to Oldest One, who misses her baby.

The dogs are always good at cheering me up. White Shaggy Dog, in a perpetual state of confusion, is the best.  He jumps up on Husband’s recliner, right next to mine, and hangs between the two chair arms for me to pet him.  He doesn’t like me to look at him when I pet him (he gets embarrassed), so I look at blogs or FaceBook.  White Shaggy Dog grunts and groans in happiness when he gets pet, and when he falls asleep he snores.  He furiously wags his tail when I talk to him, and he is good for a hug when I feel sad.

Silver & Black Dog is a bit more aloof. She needs to sleep in the pantry most of the day, where the pets’ food and water is, and where the doggie door is.  She will alert us when one of the sketchy (to her) cats comes in by barking and hopping around.  Silver & Black Dog loves to have her tummy pet, and she will lay right by or on me all day as long as I pet her.  She gets super excited when we leave and come back, even if we only left for 5 minutes.  I love how she welcomes us home, leaping around, giving little cries and wagging her little tail stump as fast as she can.

Last is Tuxedo Cat. She spends a lot of time outside patrolling our house and some of our neighbors to make sure no gophers think to move in. She purrs all the time.  She is Little One’s cat, but she is always happy to come lay on me so I can pet her.  For hours.  The only bad thing about her is she sheds, so Husband can’t pet her.  Tuxedo cat is scared of Fat Gray Cat, but good friends with Bunny, the only one not afraid of her.

I’ve gone on way too long about my pets, but they have really helped me feel better being stuck in the house. There is something so wonderful about petting a dog, cat or bunny that makes you feel better, and makes the world look better.

Unsettled

I am antsy. I have started two books, and couldn’t get into either of them.  That is so not me.  I can’t find a comfortable position, I keep yawning but I’m not tired, and I can’t focus on anything.

I was busy today. I had to call a work contact at the University about a parking ticket Oldest One got (had to pay it), and take care of some work emails.  I had medical paperwork to fill out.  I needed to figure out all sorts of different dates for the various paperwork stuff I did.  It was stimulating.

It’s the recliner. My beloved recliner.  That I’ve been sitting in for months.  I think all the sitting has gotten to me today.  Tonight.  The most I can do is change position to try to find a more comfortable one.  It’s not working.  I’m not working

Tomorrow will be better. I’ll wake up and it will be a better day.  I am nothing if not hopeful.

Family Weekend

This past weekend was Family Weekend at Oldest One’s university. Because we weren’t sure with all my problems if we could go, I waited until the last minute to book a room.  Our usual hotel was charging $800 a night, instead of the usual $80.  Ridiculous!  So, I found another hotel for $60 a night, which, upon entering, prompted Husband to declare we had hit a new low for our hotel stays.  The area was definitely rougher, yet we had a very quiet stay.  Husband had to pay $20 (refundable) to get the one key allowed for the room.  The air conditioner, which kept the room very cold, was held together by duct tape and cardboard.  The furniture was chipped and stained, and Little One had fun hopping around the carpet finding where the hard lumps were.  The beds were really comfortable, the sink in the bathroom was huge, and most important, the cable in the hotel included the channel needed to watch the college football game we weren’t able to get tickets for (just for Husband and Little One, I had planned to watch in the hotel all along).

I couldn’t do much, so Husband and Little One went with Oldest One to the carnival on Saturday, and to walk around the campus with Oldest One showing them where her classes were, where she went to study groups and to study, and where the Starbucks with the least amount of people was. I was able, with my cane and special chair, to do the tailgate and brunch at the sorority house.  The sorority house was beautiful, and much bigger than it looked from the outside.  The only Mom I got the opportunity to talk to was a completely rude and nasty woman.  When I initiated conversation she actually ignored me and turned her head.  Oldest One assured me most of the Moms are really nice, but I got the one who isn’t.

I also made it to Oldest One’s dorm room. I did have to lay on the floor on the sleeping bags and blankets Little One had slept on after I got there because the beds are so high, but that was okay, because I was there!  She has all the sorority things she has been given so far on the walls, along with pictures of family and friends, and Audrey Hepburn.  Oldest One loves Breakfast at Tiffany’s.  We briefly met her roommate (they are cordial, but that’s it).  Her roommate’s side of the room is super clean and organized.  Her roommate also has a framed 8×10 of herself on her desk.  Interesting.

To spend time with me Oldest One brought the DVD of Dirty Dancing over (checked out from the front desk of the dorm…she loves their movie selections) and we watched it on my laptop snuggled together in one of the hotel beds. Because of the game, and how long it took for her to get her car out of the parking garage with game traffic, she got to the hotel super late…we didn’t finish the movie until 3a.  Husband and Little One fell asleep in the other bed, and Little One pretty much sleep walked back to the dorm with her sister.  Oldest One and I had a great time watching the movie, chatting, saying the lines, and getting annoyed with Baby.

And, to keep the good times going, I got a call yesterday from the Big Name Clinic I had sent my MRI reports to for review, and the surgeon gave me an appointment! Which means he saw something wrong that he thinks he could surgically correct!  Just think, next year for Family Weekend maybe I can do everything, including walking everywhere and attending the football game.  I always strive to dream big!

No Reading?!

Somehow I managed to get a scratch on my cornea, right in the middle. Wow, is that painful!  Luckily this heals quickly, so what started Sunday morning was much better by Tuesday night.  The bad part, besides the eye pain, swelling, and constant watering, was that I was restricted from reading until my eye was 90 percent healed.  Which meant I was not able to read until Wednesday.

That was horrible! It’s not just that I’m stuck in the recliner, but that reading relaxes me.  It helps me not stress out about life.  If I have to go too long without reading I get antsy, and cranky.  It is my addiction.  I was so relieved on Wednesday when I could open my Kindle and start reading my current book.  I’m happy to say both my eye and my mood are very improved!

I was stuck watching TV, and I am not against watching TV, because there are a lot of shows Husband and I follow. Which are at night.  Daytime TV is pretty bad.  I’m not even that picky, but I realized there are only so many shows about finding or improving houses I can watch at one time.  Same for weddings and wedding dresses.  I can say with authority now that my living room really needs to be painted.

I realized that even though I say I’ve come to terms with being mostly confined to the house, I really haven’t. A few days without being able to read showed me that.  I’m not cut out to sit at home all day.  I like to be around people, even if we are all in our own cubicles, we still interact throughout the day.  I like to accomplish things, and run around, and have more plans than I can possibly get to in one day.  Reading helps me not dwell on that, but really, I’m like a grounded teenager, grinding my teeth and muttering under my breath about how tough I have it.

But, right now I have a new book to start, so I don’t have time to dwell on this. For the next several hours at least.  An adventure is waiting to take me out of the recliner, so I’m mentally packed and ready to go!