Stupid Idiot Woman

Computer issues have kept me busy for the past 2 days, and unable to use my laptop. Since I’m trapped in the recliner, the laptop is my lifeline for everything.  I’m pretty sure it caught the virus from the pop-up ads that kept appearing when I was reading my favorite cartoon…I was a month behind.  I’ll have to find a new place to read it, since I don’t want to go through all that again.

This morning Husband took me to Wal-Mart. I know, fun capital of the world!  But, since I have a hard time even walking around a store, so I don’t get out of the house much, this really was an event for me.  Especially since I made it through the whole list I made.  It was pretty uneventful until we left.

As we walked out to the car we saw a car waiting on someone leaving to get that parking place, and a car behind them. The person putting groceries into the car that was being waited on was a little old lady, and I could tell as soon as I saw the situation that there was no way this lovely senior citizen was going to be done getting everything out of the cart and into the car before Husband got all of our stuff in the car and we were ready to leave.

This is important because the woman waiting for the spot was waiting in front of our car, so we couldn’t back out. And understand, right now I have to use a cane to walk, so it’s not like we move fast.  I don’t have anything for handicapped parking, because hopefully this isn’t going to last forever.  So, we weren’t parked right up front, but close enough that this woman really wanted the little old lady’s spot.

Sure enough, Husband put the stuff in the car, put the cart into the cart holder, and got into the car while the little old lady was still puttering around. So of course, since she had room, the lady waiting for the spot backed up enough for us to get our car out, right?  Because the car behind her backed up to give her more room to do that.  And because Husband had backed up, showing her we wanted to leave.  Nope, the stupid woman didn’t even acknowledge our car had moved.

Husband finally got out of the car and waved his arms at her to back up, to which she gestured she was waiting for the little old lady to be done, and turned her head. Husband got back into the car.  I so wanted to get out of the car and start waving my cane around in a somewhat threating manner, and I probably had plenty of time, but I didn’t.

Finally the little old lady made it out of the spot, and the stupid idiot woman got out of our way. I know I shouldn’t be amazed at the stupid idiot woman’s lack of courtesy, but I am.  I would never do anything like that, either would Husband, and we hopefully taught Oldest One to never do that.  If I, gimpy with a cane, park farther back in the lot and manage to walk, you can bet I have no patience with someone with no problems other than laziness doing this so she can be closer to the door.

I see a lot of people ignore what I think is common courtesy. When I point it out Husband always reminds me it is because those people are much more important than anyone else (sarcasm here, in case it’s not coming through).  I try hard to be courteous and polite to everyone.  It’s not hard to do, it doesn’t cost anything, and most people appreciate it.  I don’t understand why common courtesy seems to be so difficult.

Since I’m not going to solve that problem right now, I think I’ll just have some chocolate covered raisins (bought during my Wal-Mart outing) and read some good blogs. Because chocolate and good blogs always make my day better!

Parent Friends…or Not?

Yes, today will be a rant, and maybe even a whine.  But this has been on my mind all week (remember, I am stuck in a recliner all day), and I decided all of you would just Love to let me get it all out, so I quite thinking about it, and can get on with life.  Or at least reading all of your wonderful blogs that keep me going and sane right now.  Okay, here we go…

Last week I was sick, and couldn’t make the football game. I loathe when that happens because I hate to miss seeing Little One cheer.  But, with the way seating happened, all I would have seen were people’s rear ends, which while some would have been nice to gaze at, would have irritated me because they would have blocked the cheerleaders.

There is a group of us that sit together at the games. Husband and I usually arrive early, and then try to make sure there is room for the others.  Now, we don’t see these parents outside of school events, but we all chat, and we see each other through football and basketball season, so we are together a lot.  At the games we chat, we cheer for our kids, and we have a good time.

Husband went by himself to the game. Little One would have been really upset without a parent showing up, and he loves to watch the kids play football.  After all this time we know most of the kids who play.  He had his folding chair, and when he arrived, no one had saved him a place.  And no one offered to move to make room for him.  And he barely got a hello.  Everyone had to move shortly after this to the parking lot behind a chain link fence, and again no one in the group made any effort to include him.  He chatted with other people during the game, but he didn’t feel part of it all like he usually does.

When he got home and told me this it really peeved me. One of the Moms knew I was sick and couldn’t make the game.  I would have saved a place for her husband, and made sure Husband knew he was flying solo and to chat with him.  What we got was the opposite, which besides getting me mad, also made me question the friendships.  Which has made it difficult this past week to interact with the Mom I text with a lot.

What do these parent friendships, where we sit together weekly at games for our kids, chat, and get to know each other really mean? I frequently bring their kids to my house after school when their parents are at work, and take them to the game or get them to the school to ride the van to the game.  I’ve had a parent bring Little One home a couple of times when I’ve had a doctor’s appointment.  I know we don’t have life long bonds going here, but I thought there was a definite group where we sat together, and looked forward to being together weekly.  Perhaps I was wrong.

I’m not going to say anything to any of them tomorrow, because it would just cause unnecessary drama. And it wouldn’t make a difference; I can see the blank looks I’d get for asking why they didn’t make a place for him at the last game.  And, it also feels wrong to me to bring it up.  But I will be seeing everyone in a different way, and interacting with them differently.  I can’t help it.  They’ll put it down to my not feeling well, and being in pain.  Because we see what we want to see.  And right now, I see people who really aren’t friends.

Bad Girl for Volunteering!

At Oldest One’s University there is an Alternate Breaks program, where during spring break student’s go to different cities and work with the homeless and underserved populations. I had told Oldest One about this program last year, and she recently applied to take part in it.  She was accepted into the program across the country, which costs a bit more than those in states closer to us.

We were still fine with it, since the program gets grants and solicits donations to make the fee the students have to pay very low. It is a fraction of what we paid for her Costa Rica trip.  And, since there are a couple thousand kids that apply, and she got chosen, we are also very proud of her for getting a spot.

She set up a GoFundMe page to try and get donations to help pay for the trip. She posted it to Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.  I only have Facebook, and I shared it asking anyone who wanted to support her to please donate.  Most people either ignored it or commented they thought it was great she was doing this.  Except for one person.

A family member’s fiancé, who tends to be negative (one day I’ll tell you all the story about meeting her…Oy Vey!) commented “Why leave the state to help the homeless? Couldn’t you help locally??”  Oldest One does help locally, and through University groups does volunteer projects to help the underserved populations.  I was just amazed that someone could look at her trip, and make it seem like a bad thing to be doing.

Oldest One could have asked us for money to go to Florida for spring break, where I’m guessing things go on I don’t want to know about. But instead she asked to go as part of a college program and spend her break helping those having a rough time of it.  Yeah, she is a rotten kid.

Oldest One answered the comment before I did, in, as one of my friends said, a very mature and articulate way. She very nicely pointed out that she will be able to do more, having an entire week, and that she will be able to interact with them in a very different way than when she only gets a few hours.  And she also pointed out how many students weren’t able to be a part of this.  My comment was how proud we were she wanted to help people on her spring break instead of partying.  Not surprisingly, the negative commenter didn’t say anything else.

With all the stories we hear of kids the age of Oldest One doing idiot things, and being narcissistic, you’d think Oldest One would get this person’s support for getting into this program and for wanting to do this. It shows a different side of this age group, and one I’ve seen in a lot of kids, that they care, want to make a difference, and are worried about the plight of others.

I didn’t delete the comment, or de-friend this person, even though several people told me I should. That she is negative and possibly narrow-minded is her loss.  I also don’t know how to de-friend someone, and I’m too lazy to figure it out.  I support my daughter, and many other people do also.  I’m proud of her, and excited for her that she has this opportunity.  One Negative Nellie isn’t going to change that.  Oldest One, and Little One too, are going to help make the world a better place.

Barbie Table Memories

It happened on Mother’s Day when Oldest One was about 5 and Little One was about 2.  The Barbie Table had been problematic for several days.  The Barbie Table came about as a way to keep all the wonderful rooms Barbie lives in (and that Mattel realized was a much better way to go then a simple townhouse that took up a corner) along with furniture and clothes in one place and somewhat organized.  It was still messy, but a contained messy.

Oldest One was in a non-sharing mood, and kept getting mad at Little One for wanting to play at the Barbie Table with her.  So, about a half hour before Mother’s Day dinner with my Mom and Dad, Oldest One lost it and yelled at her sister again, at which point Husband was done.  He went into the playroom with two large garbage bags, swept everything on the Barbie Table into the bags, and told Oldest One she had lost the Barbie stuff until she could share.  That caused a meltdown, and Oldest One went into her room to cry, with my Mom following her.

I had no problem with what Husband did, we had taken toys away for not sharing before, it was just the timing.  Right before dinner on Mother’s Day wasn’t the best timing, but really, with kids, is the timing ever good?  Oldest One calmed down, we had a nice dinner, and a few days later the Barbie Table was back.  My Mom had a completely different take on this.

My Mom called me the next day and gave me a lecture about my supporting Husband over the girls.  She informed me that I should never choose Husband over the girls, and the girls were always going to be in the right.  She proudly told me she never sided with my Dad when it came to my brothers and I, and that she always supported our views instead.  That explained a lot about my parents relationship.  She wasn’t happy when I told her that Husband and I always tried to back the other when it came to the girls, and that we felt working together was the best way, and we weren’t going to side against each other.  Harder to do sometimes as the girls have gotten older, but we still strive for that.

Fast forward to today, when my Mom’s Boyfriend (we’ll call him MB) didn’t like me, or Husband, or the girls, and my Mom never tried to defend me.  Apparently I remind him of his deceased daughter who he didn’t get along with.  Pretty hard to overcome that.  And the things my Mom began to tell me about myself, my life and my family weren’t nice.  What she told my brothers about me was awful.  Never once did I hear her say anything good about me, just the bad.  What happened to siding with the child?  Not that I agreed with that, but it would be nice to think that a guy who has known me less than a year would at least get chastised a little bit for being mean, rude, and just not a good person.

My Mom wants to act like none of this happened, but it did, and it really upset and hurt me.  I know she won’t be here forever, and I know at some point this needs to be resolved.  Oldest One is inviting her to the graduation.  Little One isn’t, but after how my Mom treated Little One’s Bat Mitzvah, and then forgot Little One’s birthday, well, it’s understandable.  But when I think of having a conversation with my Mom about all of this I just get so angry at how she treated me, and how it’s okay for MB to think and say bad things without anything being said to him about how he acts.  I also feel childish thinking and feeling this, but at the same time I just can’t get over it.

This is on my mind at some point every day.  I try not to let it be because I do get so upset, but my Mom and I used to talk every day, and she used to do a lot with us, and was a big part of our lives.  We haven’t seen her since September, we don’t talk anymore, and she has missed everything the girls are doing for over a year.  At my Dad’s funeral an old friend of my parents, whose wife had died many years before, was there with his daughter, who is my age.  My Mom later told me that he had remarried, but was divorced, and during his marriage his 2nd wife hadn’t wanted anything to do with his daughters, so he hadn’t seen them during the marriage, two or three years, and was just building a new realtionship with them and his grandchildren.  She thought that was awful of him, and that he should have stood up to his wife and not abandoned his girls.  Yeah, I think that too.

It’s Easier to be Nice

I was a very shy child, and I had a hard time talking to kids my age and adults.  I was also awkward socially.  Shy and awkward, not a winning combination.  Because of this, or in spite of it, I tend to be one of those friendly people willing to talk to you anywhere I am.  Oldest One has commented on how I can have a conversation with a complete stranger in a line, and how she wouldn’t want to.  One day I’ll remind her of those words after she is done talking to the person in line in front of her at the grocery store.

I think the world is a better place when we smile and say hi to each other.  There are plenty of people I don’t know at work, but anyone I see when I’m walking between buildings gets a smile and a “hi”.  I always get the same back.  I’m not known for my anger, or negativity, or for being a difficult person to work with (thankfully).  I’m known for being friendly and smiling a lot, and for sometimes being too chatty.  I’m working on the chatty thing.

My Mom is known for being incredibly rude and nasty to anyone in a customer service position who gets the misfortune of having to deal with her.  She acts like she is better than someone assisting her, and as if they are the scum of the earth well below her notice.  She even gets a pinched look on her angry face.  I’ve pretty much apologized to any service person helping us when I’ve been along.  I know you can’t be responsible for someone else’s behavior, but it can sure be apologized for.  My Mom hates tipping, and doesn’t tip enough.  She also berates people, and complains about everything.

Little One tells the story of my Mom taking her and Oldest One out to breakfast one morning, where Little One ordered pancakes.  When the plate came the pancakes were huge, and Little One couldn’t finish all of them.  My Mom proceeded to yell at the waitress for not specifying how big the pancakes were and allowing a child to order them.  The girls have quite a few stories like this, and so do I.

I don’t care what a person does for a job.  I care about if the person is good on the inside.  Customer service jobs are difficult, and people are mean.  Husband and I always tip well for good service, and are as friendly as we can be.  There is no reason to be mean to others, and if the service is bad we’ll live through it, and not tip as well.  That rarely happens, and we enjoy talking to all the different people we meet.  I’ve been known to get exasperated while on the phone trying to get things done, but I do try hard to tell the person I’m not mad at them, I’m just irritated with the company, and apologize when I should.

Being angry and mean takes a lot out of me.  It’s stressful to hate everything the people around you are doing, and to yell at them for it.  I think your food would get spit in a lot also.  For me smiling and saying hello really does make for a better day, so it is something I’m going to continue to do, and enjoy.

What are Designer’s Thinking?

Prom dress shopping ended without a dress, and with my friend and me wondering who is designing these dresses for teenage girls.  I’m okay with short skirts and short shorts (as long as the rear end is covered when bending over), and I was once known for the short skirts I wore.  As a student employee I had a skirt or two I was asked to not wear to the office again.  But compared to the prom dresses I saw I was dressed for a convent.

The worst ones were two piece outfits; a long skirt, and then a top the size of a sports bra covered in sequins.  It looked terrible on the hanger, and I can’t imagine it actually looked good on anyone.  Not what I want to see any teenage girl wearing at prom.  Then there was the dress Oldest One tried on that was quite deceptive on the hanger.  It was so low in back underwear couldn’t be worn, and the cutouts were so deep the front was compromised.  I’m okay with a low back, but I would like her to be able to wear underwear without it being seen.  And I want her front covered.

Do these designers think us parents want to put our daughter’s in these dresses?  I saw dresses where the material was in strips on the top, so skin showed on the top and there was no back.  Or the dresses that have the see through material on top; it doesn’t look good on a wedding dress and it sure doesn’t look good or appropriate on a prom dress.  I have an idea where the designer’s heads were when they designed these dresses, and it’s too bad that this is what they think a prom dress should look like.

We didn’t see any girls trying the inappropriate dresses on, but we didn’t see anyone without a parent either.  It isn’t like these dresses are affordable, because some of them were in the $300 range, which was well outside of what I was willing to pay for a dress that had all the material.  I understand why many schools ban certain types of prom dresses these days.

I know, I sound really old, but these dresses were just so awful and inappropriate.  I don’t want a picture of my daughter I wouldn’t want to put out because of what she is(n’t) wearing.  Her taste might be different than mine, but last year she chose a very classic and elegant look, which the dresses with low backs and barely there fronts will never have.  I think designers need to quite trying to be cutting edge (or their idea of it) with prom dresses, and keep to the cute and the classic.

Entitlement & Idiots

I read an article yesterday about an 18 year old girl who moved out of her parents’ home into a friend’s home because she didn’t like the rules her parents set, and this girl is now suing her parents to get them to finish paying her private high school tuition, pay her college tuition, and something else monetary.    The lawsuit is being paid for by the friend’s father, who is asking for all of the fees he is paying to be paid back to him by the parents.  The rules she didn’t like were to be respectful, abide by the set curfew, and to maybe rethink the relationship with the boyfriend.  Those evil, nasty parents!

I’d like to think there is more to the story then this girl leaving because of three pretty standard rules.  Oldest One, who is still 17, has a curfew we expect her to keep, and we also expect her to be respectful with everyone.  No boyfriend, so we don’t have that issue, and I can’t say what I would do if she brought home someone who seemed to be bad for her.  But, going by just the few facts presented in the article, what I get is a spoiled, self-centered child who thinks she is an adult being guided by a so-called adult who is an idiot.

Husband and I have been in situations where the parenting is questionable, so we do what we can to help the child and have our home be a safe place.  It would never enter my mind to sue the parent for anything.  If a situation were so unsafe the child needed another place to live we’d be there.  If the parent was just having a hard time, and needed help we’d be there.  It’s easy to place blame on how other parents raise their kids, and us parents are the first to point fingers and whisper, but to go down the road of convincing a child to sue their parents seems way out of line.

An update to the article showed the judge ruled the parents did not have to pay the private school tuition or the fees of the parent paying for this, and put on hold the question of paying for college because he wants to see the family back together.  The parents reportedly have been in tears when talking about the situation.  I know I would be.

We all have our ideas of what a good parent is, and I’d like to think most want to be a good parent and take care of their kids.  I’d also like to think that for most of us helping a child out doesn’t include assisting them to sue their parents.  I feel bad for these parents, and I can’t imagine how awful they feel trying to get through all of this.  One day this girl will probably have her own kids, and as they approach the age of 18 I wonder what her feelings will be on what she put her parents through.

What is up with February 22nd?

I’m not sure what it is about February 22nd, but it seems to be the most popular date to plan every school or club activity possible. Or at least the last weekend in February is.  And my family is used to trying to get to several activities in one day.  I remember this happening in years past, but this year every time we turn around there is something else we should consider doing.

To make it more fun the girls have been/are sick.  Yesterday Little One stayed home from school feeling like she was going to throw up.  Not that she got up, felt bad and went back to bed.  There was an extended time period of melting down and crying and insistence that she would fall behind if she missed classes (she currently has all A’s…).  I finally had to leave for work, which I arrived at 30 minutes late so I had to stay 30 minutes later to make it an 8 hour day.  I felt Husband could handle it just fine…he got her to go back to bed.

Then, 10 minutes before I was about to leave Oldest One called, and she was in tears wanting to know where I was.  That morning she was stuffy and felt a migraine coming on, so I made sure she had migraine medication and told her to take Sudafed.  Turns out she wanted to know where I was because the school cheer coach had sent her home from practice because she was sick.  And she was calling me from her car as she drove home, which is a huge NO.  I told her to take Advil when she got home and I’d be there in about an hour and to never use her cell phone while driving…to which she replied “you do it all the time.”  I don’t, but I have, so I told her to do as I say not as I do, that I loved her, and finished the call.  She has a temperature, body aches, a sore throat, and feels like she is going to throw up.  Fun times!

Sick girls makes the weekend easier to figure out.  The activity going on where Oldest One will attend college is out, because we aren’t taking her on a 2 hour drive for a 6 hour event when she doesn’t feel well.  And technically it is a 3 day thing, and she decided yesterday she just can’t do that to herself, and it will be fine if she doesn’t go.  Off the list!  Also off the list, sadly, is attending the school dance team’s competition.  We know several girls on the team, and wanted to go support them, but their competition is at the same time as basketball playoffs.

On Tuesday our club cheer gym decided to try and fit a competition in Saturday, which would have interfered with the girls doing a community service event with their respective honor societies.  Luckily (awful way to put it) there are so many sick kids they decided against that.  So the girls can still drag themselves to the community event.  Which interferes with the Girls Varsity basketball playoffs.

Both Girls and Boys Varsity basketball made playoffs, and the schedule was just put out yesterday.  Games on Friday, and if won, on Saturday.  Which the girls may or may not cheer at, but which we will go to so we can support our “other” children.  Except Girls Varsity plays at the same time as the community event, so we aren’t sure about making that one.  Boys Varsity plays at night, so those should be easy.

Which brings me back to why February 22nd is so popular for every activity known to mankind to take place on?  I’ll probably never figure it out, but next year I’ll just mark the calendar to hide under the bed and pretend the last weekend of February isn’t happening.

The One with the Louder Yell

Last week I learned that even though I say No a lot to the girls, they are actually more concerned with upsetting Husband than they are with getting me worked up.  His voice is louder (of course!) and I guess his stern tone is just far more forbidding than mine is.

I’ve known for a while the girls don’t think I’m as stern, although they do say I have an “angry walk” and if they see me doing it they leave me alone.  Doesn’t that sound intimidating, an angry walk.  I don’t feel I’m a total pushover, and Husband has been known to give an okay to things I’m iffy on.  On Halloween I said No to Oldest One staying out all night at a bonfire and missing school the next day even though “all the kids would be there.”  I did ask who all the kids were, and got the answer I wouldn’t know any of them.  That made it better, hanging out with a bunch of teenagers I had never met.  She had friends over to watch horror movies and was in school on November 1st.

So last week was a cookie baking and poster making week as senior athletes were being recognized, and cheerleaders were giving them goodies.  At least mine were.  Oldest One got home from club cheer practice after 9p (she had to stop at the store for candy to hand out) and let us know she was making and icing sugar cookies.  Of course, because I wanted to go to bed.  Oh, and she was making several amazing posters, one of which Little One needed to work on because it was for her basketball player.  Oldest One needed my help writing numbers on the cookies, so I told her to just wake me up and I would go downstairs, write numbers, then go up and go back to sleep.  She said No, never mind, she didn’t want Dad to get mad and yell.  What?  I asked if she was worried about me getting mad, and she said no, I’d only get mad if she got sick (I had said staying up all night for several days doing all this stuff was a great way to get run down and to get sick).  I said that I’d never gotten mad at her for getting sick, and she said, “See!? Exactly!” which did make sense if you look at it from a teenage view.

Then I got upstairs and Little One was melting down because she didn’t know what to do for the poster.  I had just traced out part of it in pencil, so I said I’d go help her and then go to bed.  She didn’t want me to because she didn’t want Dad to get mad and yell that she wasn’t letting me go to bed.  Again, What?  I convinced her nobody would yell, we went down, and I helped her get the poster started, and went upstairs to get ready for bed, and to complain to Husband that it wasn’t for my welfare the girls weren’t willing to bother me, but because they didn’t want to make him mad and have him yell.

He thought that was really funny.  Mainly because I come from a family of people who yell to communicate, and it took me several years to learn not to yell, but if anyone is going to crack and yell it would be me.  He also thought it was funny the girls weren’t worried about me not getting enough sleep and having to work, or anything along the lines of making my life more difficult, it was all about not upsetting Dad.

So what I get from this is I need to learn how to be louder than Husband, and sound more threatening too.  An angry walk just isn’t enough; I need something extra that makes it bad to upset me.  Realistically, who am I kidding?  I like being needed to help with their things, and I’ll drag myself downstairs and complain about losing sleep while happily helping with whatever they are doing.  I enjoy those small bonding moments, and I like to see the girls doing nice things for others and not expecting anything in return.  Oldest One also sets cookies aside just for me, so really, I can’t complain too loudly or I might not get the cookies.

I Didn’t Want to Call Mom

Yesterday was my Mom’s 83rd birthday.  This is the first year in a very long time that I haven’t celebrated with her.  I did call her.  I called her not because I wanted to, but because I felt I had to.  For me this is an important distinction.  It wasn’t a long conversation, because I wasn’t up for it, and all it did was put me in a bad mood.

I thought about writing everything that happened to cause this situation, but that would be too long, and also upset me.  Basically, the way I see it (and I’m sure she sees it in a different way), moving in with her Boyfriend changed it all.  I encouraged her to move in with her Boyfriend, and thought it would be a good thing.  There is no way I could have known I remind Boyfriend of his deceased daughter who he had a bad relationship with, so he doesn’t like me, Husband or the girls.  My Mom told me as way of explanation for why we felt he didn’t want to be around us.  Nice.

So, it went from seeing my Mom every weekend, and having her do all sorts of things with us to only seeing her when she could convince Boyfriend to spend a few hours with us.  Then she started to berate me for perceived insults against Boyfriend, and was always mad at me, and made me feel that nothing I did or my family did was good enough, or right, or acceptable.

My Mom also called my brothers and told them a lot of nasty things about me trying to break up her relationship, and being mean…I’ll leave it at that, though she said much worse.  My brothers have been fairly cold to me, and one of them started to ream me out, except I pretty much hung up on him to stop it.  Plus I was crying.  I was worried about some things my Mom had mentioned about Boyfriend, such as it was a mistake to move in with him, and that he knew all her financial information and told her what she could spend money on.  My brothers blamed me for the problems, and said my Mom was happy and Boyfriend was great.  My brothers also live out of state and give my Mom a lot of phone advice, but never actually fly out to visit or help her.  That was left to me, so I have no idea what has been going on since I stopped talking to her in September.

When I called yesterday my Mom acted like nothing was wrong, and just wanted to get together because she misses me and the girls.  Mind you she hasn’t called, hasn’t apologized for saying some really nasty things, hasn’t apologized for ignoring the girls (she completely missed Little One’s birthday, which really made her sad), nothing.  Husband pointed out that is how my Mom is, but I can’t pretend nothing is wrong.  I can’t pretend that she pretty much ignored me when I was not able to get out of bed for a month, and instead of helping would call and yell at me because I wasn’t nice enough to Boyfriend.  When I needed her for support to get through a hard time she only made everything worse.  I know she is elderly, I know I am supposed to be better than this, but right now, I just don’t want to be around her.  I know I don’t want to do this to my girls, and I hope they never feel I let them down in the way I feel my Mom has let me down.

Husband was wonderful last night in helping to cheer me up, and didn’t say a word when my dinner was chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream, and found Star Trek:  The Wrath of Khan for us to watch on TV (I am a huge Star Trek fan).  Then teenagers descended upon us (and the girls weren’t home from cheer practice yet) and that was the final piece that put me back into a good mood.  Something about the kids coming over, being comfortable at our house and eating everything in sight is just enjoyable.  It gets so loud I can’t hear anything, but the loud is laughter and happy talking, so I don’t need to really hear, I just smile at the chaos.  I’m not a perfect Mom, I don’t think there is such a thing, but I do my best, I love my girls, and I love the extra kids Husband and I have come to worry over and care about.  These are the people who make my life happy and extraordinary.