Husband and I watched the movie Touchback with Kurt Russell recently. Little One actually picked it from the three Netflix we had just received, then got bored and left. And the guy who played the main character (Kurt was not the main character) was way too old to be playing an 18 year old. He is a good 30-something, and should stick with that.
The premise (spoiler alert!) is a guy whose life is falling apart, and who in trying to kill himself (luckily he ran out of gas) in his truck wakes up to find himself in his senior year of high school right before a critical happening that changed his life. Of course. Then of course he decides he doesn’t want to change what happens, so he doesn’t change the critical incident. The few things that should have changed didn’t necessarily when he wakes up in his present.
Which all got me thinking about waking up and finding myself back in high school. No way I want to do algebra over again. Or the history class with the old guy(s). Or PE. Or have to be so awkward again. But that wasn’t the point of the movie. Would I want to change anything, so change what I have now? The answer is No, a very easy and firm No.
While I was in high school I enjoyed it. Once I hit college I realized how much I didn’t really like high school. I had my friends at good old SHS, and they were great (not Lisa, but hey, there’s always one). I didn’t date, but I did kind of stalk someone I was crushing on. I wasn’t invited to any of the big dances, I wasn’t nominated for Queen of anything, and I didn’t run for student council or care enough about grades to be in National Honor Society. I did have people to eat lunch with and hang out with, and laugh with and do silly things with. I always wanted to be a cheerleader but I didn’t do dance or gymnastics and I was clumsy. I’m sure that is why when the girls expressed interest in cheerleading I was pretty excited.
But there is nothing I would want to change, because I don’t want to change today. I want to be married to Husband and living in suburbia with our two girls. I like my house that hasn’t had a kitchen update since the 80’s (it is mauve and green). I like my 2005 SUV, and I like my job. Sure, I could go back and get better grades, and get scholarships, and not have student loans that won’t be paid off until just before I kick it. I could figure out what job I actually enjoy a lot earlier (since in going back I’d know everything I do now). I could even look up Husband and he’d probably believe the crazy girl’s story about waking up a teenager after going to bed being a 40-something me. He’s just that kind of guy. I could even nudge him to do things different. We could still get married, and have the girls. But how do I know we’d still be happy?
That right there is what I am afraid of ruining, the happy I feel about my life. It’s not perfect, there are some hard parts and bad parts and things that I wish would work better. But overall it’s a great life, and I don’t think going back and making changes is going to make it any happier. A bit more money would help, but everyone says that. And, by doing things different with the knowledge I have today I could actually make enough changes to give myself a miserable now.
I think life works out the way it should, and we make the choices we do to get to where we are supposed to be. Just like the guy in the movie finally understood, changing it would change what made his life good. He could deal with the bad as long as he had the people he loved right beside him. I totally agree with that.